that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
be right there i have to get my cape
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
