either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
