Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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