Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
