Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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