Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
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Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.