The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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