how can u be prego again
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
