omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
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I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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