I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
