I seem to have left my pride at pride
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
