You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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