just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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