I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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