Swine flu. Run for my life!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
