Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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