it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
