I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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