I'd wear matching sweaters with you
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
