If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Drunk is a universal language darling
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
