he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize