The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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