Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
