Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This baby is an asshole
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
