If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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