someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
