he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
