i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
