The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
