carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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