My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
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Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
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well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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