If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
