It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
