Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
