Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
