you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize