I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
