Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
