I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
