Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
