i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
