Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Randomize
