They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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