I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
