You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he shaved USA in his pubs
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
