so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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