I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
