So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
