Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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