I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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