Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
