Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
