am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
