Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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