someone get that fucking seahorse.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
