i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Define "chronic" masturbator.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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