Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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