I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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