to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
