remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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