This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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