I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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