I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
