MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
