My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize