I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
