Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
