Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
