it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
