i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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