I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
