Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
