Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
