you guys were way drunker than both of me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
