Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I look better un-naked...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
