Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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