Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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