Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
