Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
