I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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