Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
