know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
